Why must we always yearn for the things we know we can never have.
How I wish that this was all just a bad dream and that I would wake up and get back to my simple life, but then, this mess is really happening. I’m falling hard and I’m falling fast. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Last night in pictures. I didn’t get to finish my church’s event and also spent the rest of the night at the hospital, but my Vday was still sweet and unforgettable. Thanks to my ever-loving boyfriend and ‘bantay’ for keeping up with me and for staying through my own version of a series of unfortunate events. Haha. #True #Love #Haha
The Breakfast Club
Asked by kmvanilla
Hi Jessy! Hihi :) :*
I honestly can’t remember the last time I posted on my blog. To be completely honest, the past two years have been much of a blur to me: up to this day, I still feel alienated by my thoughts when trying to reassess my life and what has happened to it.
It’s funny how I took the moniker ‘Escapist Extraordinaire’ to a whole new level. I remember owning up to that name as a promise to myself that I would always escape to the good times. I never thought that the escape I staged would lead to escaping my life as a whole.
Only now have I realized how I have been living in extremes for the past few months—extreme pain, extreme loneliness, extreme doubt, and extreme fear. I have been living for self in the attempt to find happiness, and in the process, I only wound up getting hurt over and over.
Every day for the past three months, I would look at myself in the mirror and think, “Who are you?” I see an image of myself, but I do not see myself. I am a completely different person as I write this. And as ashamed as I am to admit it, I do not like this new person.
But then today, something unbelievably wonderful happened, and I had a firm grasp on hope. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had a glimpse of the old person I used to be. And I am hopeful that this is the start of me redeeming myself.
I can’t fully phrase just how happy I am to be back in the ministry. I feel like God welcomed me with open arms as I lead the youth in study earlier. It was nothing grand, the event; but it meant the world to me. In that moment I felt like the world was finally falling back into place.
I just know that there is more to this life. I feel it. I dream of getting to that state every waking moment of my life. And now I can honestly say that I am actually doing something to get there.